What if?
by BathshebaRocks
Summary: It's nearly two years since she met her first Vampire, and Sookie is looking back on the changes in her life. What if she had taken Eric as her lover much earlier? She had many opportunities. Could she have saved a lot of heartache and a few lives?
1. Chapter 1

**What If?**

_**Sookie looks back on her life and wonders why she didn't accept Eric much earlier – it would have saved an awful lot of time and trouble, not to mention several wasted lives.**_

_**Takes place after DITF and plays fast and loose with the characters created and owned by Charlaine Harris. The story assumes knowledge of all the books.**_

There was one thing I was never going to give up, whatever happened, and that was my few hours in the sun every day. Today was definitely too hot to sit inside, even though I had plenty of work to be catching up on. I was going to top up my tan, and to hell with the Fangtasia financial records.

I positioned my sun lounger carefully. Eric would never be able to share the sun with me, but I knew that he had set up some extra security cameras at the back of the house so he could catch up with my movements after I went to bed.

He thought I didn't know, which just went to show how much he underestimated natural feminine cunning. I rather enjoyed putting on a little show for him, knowing how it would excite him later.

Now I had got used to it, I loved sunbathing nude. Eric's house - our house now, although I still found that hard to accept - had total privacy. It also had a glorious pool stretching down towards the lakeside, a hot tub, and the most comfortable set of outdoor furniture I'd ever seen.

In Eric's mind we were married. In mine he was my boyfriend, although as he constantly reminded me he was 'so' not a boy. Whichever way you looked at it though I guess we were committed. It was him: not Bill, not Quinn, not Sam. Whatever his faults, and however challenging it would be, Eric Northman was going to be my HEA.

It was nearly two years since we had first met, going on for eighteen months since we had first been lovers. The version of Eric who I had taken as my lover back then was a different person in so many ways. That was big part of the reason it had taken me so long to commit to him. I'd wanted the sweet, sexy, gentle Eric, without all the power, politics and responsibilities. Not possible, of course.

Thinking about that made me realize how much I had changed. I had been so naïve when I first met Bill Compton. I cringed inside when I thought of the person I was then. It was pathetic really. I was so excited to find someone who I could spend time with without his every thought ruining things. It never occurred to me to ask even the most basic of questions: why had he come to a backwater like Bon Temps; why had he chosen me?

I know now that it was Bill's blood that bound me so tightly to him. I was such a fool, thinking it was true love. I knew so little of the Vampire world. I could kick myself, really I could.

There were some things in my life I would never forget, no matter how long I lived. The night Bill Compton first made love to me was one. My first visit to Fangtasia was certainly another.

I could picture it in my mind as clearly as if it was yesterday. I hadn't been sure whether to laugh out loud at the comic book tackiness of the scene, or run away screaming at the underlying menace. Eric had been the centre of attention. Bill had been surprisingly honest when he told me about him. No-one could deny how gorgeous he was, or how scary.

Perhaps I should have got a hint of what was to come when Eric sent me flowers whilst I was in hospital. I didn't expect him to think of me as anything but a useful tool, certainly not as a human with feelings. I did feel like something out of the tool hire catalogue when he loaned me out to the Dallas vampires. He even made sure he got a cut of my fee.

It was during that trip to Dallas that my doubts about Bill began to surface. And it was in Dallas that I had the first chance to take a different path, which, like a fool I ignored. Until that night in Stan's nest, the celebration party that turned into a massacre, I hadn't considered Eric Northman as a real person. He was my boyfriend's boss, the Vampire power broker, not someone who I could relate to in any way.

Then, in the middle of a scene of blood and carnage I found myself lying underneath him. He kissed me, and in that moment everything changed. Sure, it took a long time, but that was the first step on the road to where I found myself today.

What if I hadn't panicked and run away? That road could have been an awful lot shorter. Bill's behaviour had disgusted me. I realize now that it wasn't his fault. Bloodlust to a Vampire is as natural as breathing is to a human. Seeing it for the first time though, it's not surprising I was shocked. I used that to justify my over-reaction.

I closed my eyes and imagined how very different everything could have been.

"_Sookie, you are upset. Let me take you back to the hotel." Eric's voice was surprisingly kind and gentle, a contrast to the scene of carnage around us. _

_Bill stared at me, his expression a mixture of hurt and anger, but he said nothing. He didn't move as Eric picked me up and carried me outside._

_We sat in silence as the car took as back to the Silent Shore. I'd never seen anyone die before. Sure, I'd seen people laid out at their funeral, lying there all peaceful as if they were sleeping. The reality of death was something different though. Those twisted, mangled bodies were going to give me nightmares for a long time._

_Eric held me close. I think he was trying to sooth me._

_When we arrived back at the hotel he guided me to his room. I didn't protest. He went to the minibar and poured me a large brandy, as I slumped down into one of the chairs. I could hear him moving about in the bathroom, and the sound of running water. _

"_You'll feel better after a long soak," he said, reaching for my hands to pull me to my feet. He gathered the hem of my dress and lifted it over my body. Of course he knew I had nothing on underneath, my body was still too sore after the battering it had received the night before. Surprisingly for him, he didn't show the normal fangy reaction as he picked me up and carried me into the bathroom. _

_The water was hot and I gasped as he lowered me into it. He held me for a moment, slowing his movement to allow me to become accustomed to the temperature. I sighed. It felt so good to be held in his strong arms. That must be the effect of the brandy I thought. _

"_Ow, ow, ow," the sting of the hot water was painful, especially with all the cuts and bruises on my body. Balancing me over the water, he added a blast of cold to make it bearable._

"_Would you like me to wash your hair, it has blood in it."_

_And some other stuff which I didn't like to think about. I could almost have laughed out loud. Only twenty-four hours earlier I had been in an identical bathroom, only that time it was Bill bathing me and trying to help me overcome the horrors I had experienced. What was my life coming to? _

_I looked up at him. He was still in his torn and bloodstained clothes._

"_Your clothes, they're ruined." _

_He shrugged and peeled them off, right there. He stood before me in nothing but a pair of red silk boxers, which left very little to the imagination. I bit the inside of my cheek, willing myself not to react to the specimen of total physical perfection standing in front of me._

_I closed my eyes as he shampooed my hair. His big hands were gentle as he massaged my scalp. He took a cloth and began to sweep gently down my body. He brushed the outside of my breasts, then rubbed a circular motion over my stomach. _

_Lifting me out of the bath, he carried me over to the bed and sat me down. He took a towel and began to pat me dry, as gently as if I were a baby. _

"_You are so beautiful," he murmured softly._

"_Eric, I look as if I've gone fifteen rounds with Mike Tyson,"_

_He laughed at that, and bent down to kiss the top of my head. This was getting a little too intimate; it was time to change the subject._

"_How come you didn't run off with the others, surely you felt the bloodlust as well?"_

"_Of course, but after a thousand years, I have learnt some self-control. Besides I had to protect you. You are a very valuable…..asset to me." He drew out the last sentence deliberately, a knowing smile on his face._

"_You know what I think, I think you're very devious."_

"_You wound me, dear one. I think you are very suspicious."_

_It's true, I was, but maybe I was suspicious of the wrong person. _

_Eric had retrieved a comb from the bedside table and was teasing the tangles out of my hair. He had positioned himself behind me on the bed so that I was sitting between his thighs. I could feel the cool skin of his legs framing mine. This was how it had started with Bill. I felt myself shiver._

_I wanted nothing more than to lean back against his muscular chest and feel his arms around me. I wanted……...I forced myself to suppress the thought._

"_Are you cold, my darling?"_

"_No, I'm fine." I lied. Cold was certainly not the problem, quite the opposite in fact. "And I'm not your darling." _

_Another lie, I just wanted to be. Shit, I did not just think that. This was Eric Northman, the dangerous, powerful Sheriff of Area 5. Who right now was stroking my arms and nuzzling my neck with his mouth with a tenderness I would not have believed possible. _

_I'd nearly died twice in two days. I was battered and bruised. I'd seen my loving boyfriend turn into a blood-crazed monster. The normal rules, the ones that said you should finish with one guy before taking up with another, no longer seemed to apply. _

_I turned myself in his arms and straddled his lap. He gazed down at me, his eyes heavy with lust._

"_Sookie, darling, are you sure? You know I will never force you."_

"_You don't have to…" I began, but before I could finish the sentence his lips were on mine._

"I hope you are thinking of me, lover." A dark seductive voice broke into my train of thought. Eric was standing in the space left by the sliding glass doors, his arms outstretched like Sampson in the Temple. He was naked of course.

I took a very deep breath. Would I always feel like this at just the sight of him? My heart picked up a beat, and my insides began to tingle.

"I was just thinking about when we first met." I said, trying to keep my voice cool.

"You certainly seemed to be enjoying it," he said, with a pointed glance at my right hand, which was wedged between my thighs, "I do hope you are going to share the story with me."

_**A/N This idea came to me when I was doing some fact checking for my story 'Secrets and Lies.' At the moment it's just a little experiment but let me know what you think, as I could continue it.**_

_**I love 'what if' stories. There are many, many great ones out there in FanFicdom, with some particularly good alternatives versions of what should happen in book one, if Sookie had met Eric before or instead of Bill, and even more excellent alternative versions of Dead to the World. **_

_**I don't want to duplicate any of those, but there are lots of other places in the books where Sookie could have made a different choice. I don't think they all justify a complete story, but I wondered if it would work to combine them several different 'what if?' opportunities into a single story.**_

PS: This is very cheeky but I loved this line from a review of another recently posted 'What if' story: "_After DiTF I wish someone would say What if CH doesn't write the next few books and we find someone in FF who could take over!"_


	2. Chapter 2

Eric completed twenty laps of the pool. He didn't need the exercise, but he'd told me he enjoyed the sensation of the water rippling against his skin. Also it gave him an excuse to show off his magnificent physique.

He came to rest by the side of the pool, hooking his arms over the side and resting his head on them. That put him just about level with where I was lying. I should have been ladylike and crossed my legs, but I'm afraid to say I let them fall open just a little wider. He has that effect on me.

"So, do tell," he said with a look which I can only describe as devilish. "What were you thinking about that was getting you so excited."

"I was thinking about Dallas, the first time we kissed."

"Oh yes," he said enthusiastically, "I remember that night very well. You were so luscious in that dress with no underwear. I was tempted to take you right there on the floor."

"Eric, we were surrounded by dead people. There was blood everywhere."

"So?" He genuinely didn't see that as an obstacle. I tried to look as disgusted as I felt, but his expression of pained innocence just made me giggle.

"What would you have done differently, if you could go back in time?" he continued.

"That's just what I was thinking about," I replied. "I was thinking how foolish I was to run off like I did. I should have let you take me back to the hotel."

"I was the one at fault then, I should have insisted on taking you back."

He hauled himself out of the pool and shook his long hair, giving me a good soaking in the process. I squealed in protest but he just laughed. I wrapped a towel around myself and we walked down the garden, towards the lake.

He had built a wooden shelter, an arbor as he described it. He had actually built it himself, which was pretty impressive for a Vampire who generally paid other people to do anything that resembled hard work.

He'd had the gardening service plant it up with night scented trailing plants, and filled the inside with fur rugs and big cushions. It had a perfect view across the lake to the woods on the other side. If the evenings were cooler, he would stoke up a small open wood burner. Eric would stare into the flames as if there was some important message hidden there. He said it reminded him of the evenings in his human life, all those centuries ago.

"If we are looking for missed opportunities, when was the next one?" he asked once we were settled and comfortable.

"I think we both know the answer to that." A vision of Eric in lycra popped into my mind. He must have got the same image, as a big smirk crossed his face.

"Yes, that was some outfit, if I say so myself. You know, when you called me up, I did think that my opportunity had come. I thought the party invitation was just an excuse to get me over to your house alone."

"Is that why you agreed?"

"Yes. Although I also felt I owed you a favour, after what happened in Dallas."

"Damn right you did."

"Come now darling, tell me the story as it should have happened."

I closed my eyes, picturing the scene those many months ago.

_I put down the phone feeling strangely warm and fuzzy inside. Eric had sounded so, well, loving was the only word I could think of. And he'd called me his darling. He couldn't be serious of course. He knew I was with Bill, and besides what would a powerful Vampire like him want with an ordinary girl like me._

_Okay, I was useful to him, with my special skill, but apart from that what was there to set me apart from the fangbangers who hung around him every night. The first time I'd seen him I thought he looked like a romantic hero on the cover of a novel, and that was where he needed to stay – untouchable._

_He strolled into my bedroom the next evening as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if he owned the place._

_If I was taking Bill to the party he would probably have dressed in something from the seventies, and I don't mean the nineteen seventies. Dress sense was not one of his strong points. _

_Eric's outfit was ridiculous: dramatic, over the top. But he was willing to wear it because I'd asked him to. I wondered why he had agreed. I was pretty sure from the way he had behaved in Dallas that he would go to bed with me if he was given half a chance. He'd probably go to bed with any reasonably attractive woman given half the chance, but I didn't think he would normally put any effort into getting them there. He had made an effort for me though. He'd thought about what I wanted and come up with the perfect solution. I couldn't help but be touched._

_He gave me an appraising glance in the mirror as I adjusted myself into my new steel-blue bra. It was too late for false modesty now. He'd seen pretty much all of me when I was lying on the couch in his office having my poisoned blood drained by four vampires. I'd been filled with embarrassment when Pam had told me I'd been much admired. _

_The weird thing was, I trusted him. He was honest to the point of bluntness, and made no secret of the fact that he wanted me. Nevertheless I felt comfortable with him in a way that shouldn't have been possible. He wandered around my bedroom as if he owned the place, sampling my small collection of perfume on the dresser._

_I was dreading the party. I had some very unpleasant visions of what I might see there. I'd read the thoughts of most the guys while I was working at Merlotte's. I try to keep my shields up at work, but when it gets real busy it's not always possible._

_That's how I know that Mike Spencer would like nothing more than to lick whipped cream off my breasts, and that Tom Hardaway would like to do the same but using tomato ketchup on a different part of my anatomy. Ick, how gross is that?_

_I'd never ridden in a sport car before, and Eric's driving made me feel as if we were competing in the Indy 500. I felt exhilarated and terrified at the same time. I figured that it was pretty normal to be in the grip of competing emotions while I was in his company. I would happily have gone on driving, past Mimosa Lake and off into the night, but I owed Lafayette and I had to go through with it._

_I was seized with doubt again as we got out of the car. I could sense people in the house watching. We could leave now, I thought, as he backed me up against the Corvette for a long kiss. We could get back in the car and drive back to my house and I could let him fuck me senseless._

"_We could leave right now if you wish," Eric said, almost as if he were reading my thoughts. "I'd like nothing more than to take you back to your house and…" _

_I cut him off, reaching a hand up round his neck and pulling him back down into the kiss. His outfit left nothing to the imagination and it was very clear what he wanted. He was a wonderful kisser, and I flattered myself that I wasn't so bad either._

_My plan worked even better than I had expected. People who are drunk and driven half crazy with lust tend to be strong broadcasters. What I heard shocked and disgusted me. The image of poor Lafayette, his thin brown body shuddering under their blows, would stay with me for a long time. I knew that Eric could sense my distress. He hadn't made any judgment about what I was doing, he just supported me and offered me comfort. Then, when I could take no more, he carried me outside and laid me down on the bonnet of his car._

"_Yield to me, Sookie."_

_We'd gone a thousand years back in time. He was the Viking raider, and I was the village wench._

"_I can't Eric. Bill…"_

"_You know the rules, Sookie. If you come to me of your own free will, there is nothing he can do, he will have to accept it_

"_Yes Sookie, those are the rules." A cool dark voice came out of the shadows._

'_Sugar,' I thought, and 'fudge' for good measure. "Bill, you're back. I wasn't expecting you."_

"_So I see." His voice was unnecessarily sarcastic, I thought._

_I wasn't going to say that it wasn't what it looked like because it was exactly what it looked like. Eric had me on the bonnet of his car, and he was trying his hardest to seduce me, and I wasn't trying particularly hard to resist him. I managed to pull myself away._

"_Bill, I'll speak to you tomorrow evening. I'll explain everything." Eric smirked, and I rewarded him with a furious glare._

"_Eric, I've found out what I needed to know, would you please take me home now." His smirk intensified, if such a thing is possible. _

_Of course that's the point at which Andy Bellefleur made his entrance, followed closely by the Maened and all hell broke loose, literally._

_I've watched enough episodes of CSI to tell that Bill and Eric did a good job of disguising the crime scene. I didn't want to think too hard about where they'd got to practice that particular skill._

_I'd managed to retrieve my sweater, but I was still shivering and not just with cold. Eric eventually registered my distress:_

"_Come, sweetheart, I'll drive you home."_

_That earned him a ferocious glare from Bill who moved to square up to the older Vampire. _

"_I'll take her home," he hissed._

_Eric's fangs ran out as he shifted to attack mode. With his height advantage, not to mention his age, Bill had no choice but to back down._

_I was past caring at that point. Was this how the lamb felt, I wondered, waiting for two wolves to tear it to pieces. Eric took my hand and led me over to the Corvette. I followed meekly, without a word._

_We drove back to my house in silence. He drove at a much slower pace than on the outward journey, which was kind of thoughtful of him. It also allowed him to hold my hand, in between gear changes, which was comforting._

"_Will you be alright?" He asked, as he helped me out of the car._

"_Sure, I just need a hot shower and a warm bed and I'll be right as rain," I tried to sound more cheerful than I felt. _

_He took both my hands and gazed down into my eyes, as if he was trying to judge the truthfulness of my statement. _

"_You've got blood in your hair." I wasn't sure what else to say to him, and besides it was true._

"_Perhaps I need a shower?" he replied, giving me his most seductive look._

"_Perhaps you do: in your own shower, in your own bathroom, in your own house." I said, as firmly as I could manage. _

_The image of a naked Eric popped into my head, water cascading down his perfect body, and making me feel suddenly hot all over. _

"_It's getting late, you should go."_

"_Will you sort things out with Bill?"_

_I nodded_

"_And then you'll call me?" He reached into his car and pulled a business card out of the glove compartment. It had a number scribbled on the back. "This is my private cell. Don't give it to anyone else, but please call me as soon as you're ready."_

_He flashed me his most brilliant smile, then bent down to kiss me softly on the lips. Then he was gone, leaving me to stare after him as his tail lights disappeared into the darkness, wondering what on earth I was getting myself into._

"You could just have taken me that night, why didn't you?"

"As I told you then, you had to come to me of your own free will. In the old days, before the Revelation, it was quite common for a more powerful vampire to seize a human from another at will, but now the rules are strictly applied. Bill could have taken me before the Magister if I had seized you. He would have demanded compensation."

"Oh, so you would have been out of pocket." I sounded disappointed, which was ridiculous.

"You know I would have paid any fine in order to have you as mine, but I didn't want to force you, I wanted you to choose. Although I must admit I wish you'd chosen me a lot earlier than you finally did."

We were both contemplating that thought when Eric suddenly became very attentive. I could tell from his expression that he had heard something that my senses couldn't yet register. I looked at him quizzically.

"There's someone outside. It must be Pam."

That figured. She was the only other person who the guard was allowed to admit without express permission. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach, as I realized what she would be coming for. I wrapped the towel a little more tightly around my body as we headed up to the house. Eric didn't both of course and was still naked when we met Pam in the living area.

"I've come for the books."

I was meant to have the Fangtasia books ready for the accountant. I'd intended to do it this afternoon, but had been sidetracked by the sun, and my erotic fantasies of Eric. I glared at him, as if it was his fault. Pam laughed at that.

"I take it from your state of undress that you've found better ways to pass the time."

I had to confess that she was right. "Listen, I'm real sorry. I know I said I'd have them done by Friday and I still will. I'll go to bed now, get up early tomorrow and have them ready for you by tomorrow evening."

Eric growled his displeasure, and took a step towards me. I wrapped the towel more tightly around myself. I couldn't let him distract me. Besides I knew he would be perfectly happy to have sex right there in front of Pam. He'd probably be happy for her to join in. I was getting a lot more adventurous, being with him, but that was just a little too adventurous for me right now.

"I'm sorry baby," I said, making him wince, and Pam grin in that disconcerting way she did with her fangs out. "I'll make it up to you at the weekend."

"There's no point in looking at her like that," Pam joined in to back me up. You don't want to suffer the consequences if we don't get our tax returns submitted on time.

Eric muttered something under his breath, which I suspected was a reflection on how much better things were in the old days when they didn't need to abide by human laws, but he reluctantly agreed. He planted a soft kiss on the top of my head, and I left them to their reminiscing.

_**A/N. I freely admit that this story is a little piece of fluff. It covers lots of ground that better writers than I have already covered, and I make no claims at all for originality. However it is fun to write, so I'll continue if people enjoy reading it – you know that means reviews, please!**_

_**A comment in one of the reviews reminded me of a great story by FODforever 'Changing it all' which very cleverly weaves the 'what if' opportunities into an alternative timeline. It's definitely worth reading, although it hasn't been updated for a few months now. (You can find a link on my Favorite Stories list on my author profile)**_

_**In terms of the timeline for this story, I see it as an outtake from 'Secrets and Lies' so assume Eric and Sookie are married, living mainly in Shreveport, and with all the other features of that story. **_


	3. Chapter 3

"Please don't laugh at me Eric, but I have a headache."

"Why should I laugh at your human infirmity?" He wasn't joking; it was a statement of fact.

Eric had found me asleep in the guest bedroom. I'd spent the whole day trying to sort out the Fangtasia accounts, as I'd promised Pam that I would. It would have been a lot easier if Eric made even the most cursory attempt at keeping his financial records in anything resembling order. He treated his receipts like he treated his clothes, scattering them around for others to pick up.

I tried to force a smile through the pounding pain in my temples. "It's what women use as an excuse when they don't want to have sex."

He continued to look at me blankly. Obviously the idea that anyone would ever refuse sex with him was incomprehensible.

"Perhaps a massage would make you feel better, my lover." Without waiting for an answer he settled himself on the bed, his back to the headboard, and pulled me up between his legs. His long fingers went to work on my head and neck. It was certainly preferable to Tylenol. I could feel the effect as I relaxed into his powerful hands.

A comfortable silence filled the room. I had spent my day cursing Eric, Pam, Fangtasia, and every other part of the supernatural world. I'd longed to return to my simple life in Bon Temps when the most complicated thing I had to do was make sure that the income from my tables balanced the tabs. That all changed now I was back with my lover. 'Count your blessings,' my Gran had always said to me, and this was number one on my list.

I realized what Eric was thinking about when his quiet voice brought me back to the present.

"I thought you would come to me after the orgy," he said, so quietly I had to strain to hear him. "I was surprised you chose to stay with Bill Compton."

"You were surprised that any woman could resist dropping in a faint at your feet, you mean," I said with a smile.

"Well, maybe. It's true I don't often get turned down. I can't really remember the last time. But I still don't really understand. Why did you choose him?"

"Because I thought he loved me, I thought I was important to him."

"So you and Bill were happy together then?"

"Some of the time, yes. But once he'd started with that wretched database he became more and more distant."

"Still you stuck with him, when you could have come to me whenever you wanted."

"Believe me, I was tempted, more than once."

"Do tell," he said, sounding enthusiastic.

_I'd been suggesting to Bill for a couple of weeks that maybe we could go out and have some fun. I was getting a little fed up with sitting around waiting for him to stop work on his computer project and pay some attention to me. _

_One evening I picked up a copy of the 'Shreveport Times', which a customer had left, on one of my tables in Merlotte's. I was surprised to see an advert for Fangtasia, but I figured why not. It was a business after all, and business has to advertise. They were putting on a live band. It was a warm up gig for some big music festival coming up in New Orleans so they expected a sell out._

_I wasn't even going to bother nagging at Bill to get some tickets. I took matters into my own hands and rang Fangtasia direct. After the normal automated message, Pam's bored tones came on the line. I swear she perked up a little when she recognized my voice._

"_My little telepath. I hear that your orgy turned out to be quite an event. Eric seems to have enjoyed himself hugely."_

_Enjoyed wasn't exactly the word I would have used, but hey I wasn't a Vampire._

"_I'm glad to hear that, Pam. Listen, I was ringing about the gig next week. Is there any chance Bill and I could buy some tickets?"_

"_There most certainly is not," she replied firmly. "Eric would not hear of his favorite human paying to enter Fangtasia like a cheap fangbanger. I will ensure you are on the guest list."_

_My heart, which had sunk when Pam said no to my request, took a little leap at her words. I shouldn't be happy to be referred to as Eric's favorite human, but I just couldn't help myself._

_A new dress was next on the agenda I decided. I'd felt distinctly uncomfortable in the white and red sundress I'd worn on my first visit there, and while I wasn't ready for a full-on black lace get up, something a little more risqué was in order. Fortunately for me, Tara had the perfect dress in stock. _

_It was red satin – yes I know that's your favorite color but that's not what I was thinking at the time. It had a halter neck with built in support. It showed enough cleavage to attract the interest but not enough to look like a tart I thought. It hugged my hips very nicely and had a little slit up the front to make it possible to walk. _

_I was pleased with effect; at least I had made an effort, which was more than I could say about Bill. He was wearing a brown suit with wide lapels and a purple tie. He had his hair slicked down. It was a look that might possibly have been fashionable twenty years ago, but somehow I doubted it._

_Unfortunately he was equally unimpressed with my outfit; I could tell that by the look on his face. _

"_What's wrong with it?" I challenged him._

"_Nothing," he said, through gritted teeth. He was such a terrible liar._

"_Bill"_

"_If you must know, it makes you look like a slattern."_

"_A what?"_

"_It looks cheap and common."_

"_I'll have you know there was nothing cheap at all about this dress. It cost me a week's wages." With that I stalked off and climbed into the passenger side of his BMW saloon._

_We made the journey into Shreveport in silence. A couple of times I was aware of him glancing over at me, as if he were about to say something, but he turned back to concentrate on the road without speaking and I did the same._

_Pam spotted us as we walked across the car park. Bill had his arm firmly around my waist in a gesture of possession. We walked straight past the queue stretching round the block as she ushered us in. I ignored the nasty thoughts I could hear in the waiting crowd._

_The room was getting full when we entered. The stage was set up for the band, and at first there was no sign of Eric. Not that I was looking for him of course, it was just that he was normally the first thing you saw when you entered Fangtasia. Then I caught a glimpse of blond hair just visible in one of the booths near the stage. I knew it was him instantly. _

_Sure enough that was the booth that Pam ushered us over to. Eric rose out of his seat and offered me his hand. I had no choice but to sit between him and Bill. I could tell that Bill wasn't happy as he clamped his hand firmly on my thigh, claiming his ownership once again. I sometimes wondered why he didn't just brand me and have done with it._

_I let my free arm trail down by my other side, where I was squeezed in next to Eric. He had made no concession to the event and was wearing his trademark black vest. A shock of electricity raced through me as our arms brushed against each other. I had to close my eyes for a moment. Luckily Bill was ordering our drinks from one of the waitresses and didn't notice._

_Eric did though. He kept his arm close to mine and, shifting his position just slightly, began to run a cool finger up and down my inner forearm, just above my wrist. The effect was powerfully erotic._

_I wanted to tell him to stop, but there was no way I could move or say anything without drawing Bill's attention to what was happening. If I was honest, maybe I was enjoying it just a little more than I should._

_It was a relief when the band took the stage. 'Renfield's Masters' they were called, after the character in Bram Stoker's Dracula. The lead singer was gorgeous, with skin the colour of a cup of latte, dark brown eyes and hair in short loose curls. Eric whispered to me that he had been a singer with big bands in the nineteen thirties. He could have rivaled Sinatra if he hadn't been turned. Apparently he was just black enough to break the strict rules on racial mixing when his band was touring the Deep South. He became the victim of a vengeful lynch mob. He was saved from the mob only to be forced into the life of the undead. I wondered which he would have chosen, if he had been given the choice._

_His voice was magical. I closed my eyes, and was transported out of the frankly tacky surroundings of Fangtasia. I imagined myself in a glamorous ballroom, with crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and Fred and Ginger on the dance -floor._

_The first set was drawn from classics from the great American songbooks. I recognized all the songs from the programmes my Gran used to like to listen to on the radio. I hummed along softly, and much to my surprise realized that Eric was doing the same. I opened my eyes and risked a quick sideways glance. _

_His pose was languorous, legs stretched out in front of him, and head resting back against the high top of the booth. His eyes were half closed but I could see that his gaze was fixed firmly on my cleavage. His hand had found my free one, and he had managed to lace his fingers in with mine. He caught my gaze and gave me a flash of his smile, just enough for me to see that his fangs had run out a little._

_I shouldn't be letting him do this. I shouldn't be letting him have this effect on me. I pulled my hand away and rested it on my lap, out of his reach. Just to make my point I leant over and whispered to Bill. "They're a great band, aren't they baby?"_

_Bill was obviously lost in his own thoughts, as my words jerked him back to attention. "Uh, yes, I suppose they are." I didn't quite get Bill's taste in music. He claimed that the Kenny G CDs I'd found in his car had been left by the previous owner. Given the choice, he preferred obscure and frankly tuneless music from any country as long as it wasn't America._

_The first set ended and Eric stood up, making it clear that he expected us to get out of his way. I realized that I needed the ladies room. Unfortunately so did half the other women in the place, and like most bars Fangtasia didn't have enough cubicles so there was a queue. _

_No sooner had I joined it than a strong hand encircled my upper arm, and a dark voice whispered in my ear "Come this way, my darling, there's an employee rest room just off my office."_

"_Eric I've told you before I was not your darling, and I'm still not," I hissed at him as he pulled me into his office and closed the door behind us, "and will you cut it out with the holding my hand, it's embarrassing."_

"_You may not be mine yet, but you want to be, you will be." He sounded completely certain of the fact._

"_In your dreams. Bill is my boyfriend, and I love him." I said as firmly as I could manage._

"_Sadly for me, Vampires do not have dreams. I'm sure if I did they would be very entertaining. I will just have to make do with the real thing." _

_He pushed me up against the door, lifting me so that I could feel the hard bulge in his jeans pressed against my groin. He was so strong that he could hold me in position with only the lightest of touches. If he had been human I would have kicked and screamed until he let me down, but I knew I would be wasting my breath. Besides there was the risk of attracting Bill's attention if he thought I was in distress. Then they would fight, and Bill would get hurt. I didn't want to think about that. _

_What I really didn't want to think about how good it felt to be held by Eric, and how much I wanted him to kiss me. I couldn't stop myself from responding as he lowered his mouth towards mine._

"_You want me, Sookie, your body doesn't lie. You want me as much as I want you."_

_I couldn't speak, I didn't trust myself, but I couldn't stop myself from making a small sound, somewhere between a sigh and a moan. He took that as all the encouragement he needed and closed the distance between us._

_I dreamt about Eric often, ever since I'd had his blood, but the real thing always exceeded expectations. I didn't have much freedom of movement in my dress, but I locked my ankles around the back of his calves, and my arms around his neck pulling his whole body as close to mine as I could._

_He trailed his mouth along my jaw line and round to my ear. "Leave Bill, come to me," he whispered._

_Bill. The mention of his name brought me to my senses. I pulled my arms back from around his neck and pushed hard against his chest. He let me push him away, with just a flicker of disappointment crossing his face._

"_I need the ladies room." I said firmly. He pointed to the door in the corner of the office, and without another word sat down at his desk. He was still there when I came out. I had washed my face and neck with plenty of cold water, and spritzed with the small bottle of Obsession I carried in my purse. I needed to make sure that Bill couldn't smell the scent of another man on me._

_Eric was tapping away on his laptop as I stepped back into his office. He didn't even look up._

_I walked out without a word._

"_You were a long time," Bill sounded suspicious, challenging me as I returned to the booth._

"_There was a queue for the ladies room, you know what it's like." _

_He looked at me blankly. Clearly he had no idea of the problems facing the modern woman._

_We settled down for the second set. This time we were alone in the booth. I ….._

_The band was finally released after three encores. Their place was taken by a DJ who continued the theme of the evening with romantic songs, perfect for dancing with your lover. Bill had the look of someone who was eager to leave. _

"_Could we have a dance before we go? I've had such a lovely evening, I'd like to keep going a bit longer."_

_Bill agreed reluctantly, with a quite unnecessary sigh. He took me in his arms as we took to the dance floor. He wasn't a bad dancer, he knew all the right moves, and had the rhythm, but somehow he was lacking in flair. His dancing was like his personality: solid, but uninspiring. I closed my eyes as we danced, thinking back to the time when we had first met. The sound of his voice, or the touch of his hand was all it took to have me melting with desire. Maybe it was unrealistic to expect that feeling to last forever. Perhaps I was being unfair. The trouble was, with no previous relationships I had nothing to compare with._

_My musings on the topic were interrupted by a familiar voice: "I hope you are going to allow me to dance with your human, Bill."_

_I opened my eyes and glared him, cursing his arrogance and that damned Vampire possessiveness._

"_We were just leaving, come on Bill." I grabbed his hand and headed off towards the door without a backwards glance. As we got back to his car, he took me in his arms and pushed me back against the door. It seemed that he had regained some of the passion he had when we first became lovers._

"_I'm sorry I have been distracted sweetheart. I have been neglecting you. Tonight I will make it up to you."_

_I grinned with pleasure. At least Eric's intervention had brought me some benefit. _

"You were very stubborn, although I do admire your loyalty to Bill. I hope you will always show the same loyalty to me." Eric had obviously had enough of that little fantasy. He had stopped his massage; his hands were now under my sleep shirt stroking and teasing me. He lowered his head, his fangs grazing the side of my neck. My headache had completely disappeared.

"You know you can trust me, Eric, you shouldn't have to ask. Now I want to hear your side of the story. You were just as stubborn as me after all: sending Pam to do your dirty work."

He chuckled at that. "I suppose I was, my lover. At least now we have the chance to make up for lost time."

_**A/N Thanks for all the kind reviews – I do so appreciate them. Keep them coming and I'll keep on writing! This story virtually writes itself so it's not a great hardship. It's just an excuse to turn to when my other story gets too difficult to write! There may be a bit of a gap before I can post again due to various family commitments, but I'll get there as soon as I can.**_

_**PS Voting opens soon for the Dead Pan Contest – I can't wait to see whose made the final as there were some really talented entries. Check it out at my Favorite Authors link on my profile and give them your support.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Eric's massage had completely cured my headache and we had indulged in more than a little making up for lost time. Now the hour was fast approaching when I would need to sleep and leave my husband to attend to his Vampire business.

I turned on my side to face him, trailing a finger over his perfect abs. He gave me a fangy smile, the sort that made my insides turn to jelly. He had a sheet partially draped over his body, but it couldn't hide the fact that he was excited and ready again.

"Oh, no my lover," I said in what I hoped was a seductive voice, "I want to hear your side of the story first. What would you have changed?"

"There are situations I could have handled differently, it is true. When Bill disappeared, I should have told you myself instead of sending Pam."

"You could maybe have not threatened to torture me. You may know lots of women who find that a turn on but I can assure you I'm not one of them. I would have felt a lot more comfortable if you had come on your own as well. I didn't enjoy sharing my humiliation with Pam."

"I am surprised though that you chose Alcide to accompany me, he is very handsome after all," I continued with just a hint of mischief. It wouldn't do Eric any harm to know that he had had rivals for my affection.

"I made a grave mistake there, one which almost cost me dear. As you know, we generally regard the Were as sub-human scum, it certainly never occurred to me that you could be attracted to him. Unfortunately I needed an escort for you and he was the most reliable I could find. I should have insisted on you using a hotel though, letting you stay in his apartment was most definitely a high risk strategy."

_I had made arrangements for Sookie to stay in a small boutique hotel in Jackson. It was discreet and very expensive which served a dual purpose. It gave her almost as much safety as she would have had in the Were's apartment, but it also gave her a taste of the lifestyle she would enjoy if she would take me as her lover._

_It had some Vampire-friendly rooms and unknown to her I had booked myself in. I wanted to be nearby to watch over her during the unpredictable mission I had sent her on._

_It felt odd at first, being in such close proximity to her, realising how many of her emotions I could feel. It was many, many years since I had given my blood to a human. I had forgotten that even a small amount could form a strong bond. She was experiencing a complex mixture of comfort, excitement and not a little fear. The sensation was very arousing. I could not resist doing the one thing I had promised myself that I would avoid._

_I found myself outside her room, knocking on the door. She answered wearing just a small towel wrapped around her. I had to close my eyes for a moment to steady myself._

"_What are you doing here?" She wasn't pleased to see me._

"_Did you think I would really send you alone, with no protection?"_

"_I thought Alcide Hervaux was my protection."_

"_Of course, but he may need backup. May I come in?"_

"_I'm just about to have a shower."_

"_I'll wait."_

_She hesitated for just a moment and I took advantage to push the door open. I settled myself on the bed, stretching out to my full length._

"_Eric," Sookie complained, "can't I have some privacy?"_

"_There is really no need to be shy, I have after all seen most of you already."_

_She shuddered, obviously recalling her encounter with the Maenad._

"_I could help you if you like," I called out as she stepped into the shower. She refused, as I knew she would. I had to content myself with imagining the water cascading over her luscious form. I found myself becoming quite excited. Luckily she avoided my gaze as she came back into the room and sat down at the dressing table._

_She raised her arms to reach her hair, the action causing the towel to slip down revealing her naked body._

"_Don't," I said before she could retrieve the towel, "just let me look at you."_

_I moved instantly to stand behind her. My hands rested briefly on her shoulders then slipped down to cup her breasts. I teased her with my thumbs, then pinched hard, eliciting a gasp that was part shock and part excitement. She may have been trying to resist me in her head, but her body was telling a different story. I caught her gaze in the mirror and saw the darkness in her eyes. Catching her hand in mine I moved in down between her thighs which had spread slightly apart in an involuntary movement. _

"Eric, that is gross, I hope you're not going to take this any further." Sookie spoke out loud, interrupting my reverie.

"It's my fantasy, I can do what I like." That came out sounding rather more childish than I expected.

"There are some things you should keep to yourself."

"Fine, I'll just go back to my own room then."

_She was prepared for me the next evening and answered the door already dressed for her evening out. _

_She looked stunning in a simple red dress with thin straps. My enjoyment of her beauty was interrupted by a cough from the corner of the room. Hervaux was already there. I exchanged a curt nod._

_My attention was drawn to the ugly scar on her shoulder, causing me to wince. "How did this happen?" I growled angrily at the Were. "You were meant to be protecting her._

_Before he could answer Sookie had jumped in. "It's not his fault Eric, honestly, he couldn't stay right beside me the whole evening."_

_I stroked her shoulder, surprised at how much it pained me to see her injury. I would have stayed with her, I thought. "You must let me heal it."_

_Of course she was right to point out that I couldn't, that it would arouse suspicion._

"_I will come with you tonight, clearly Hervaux cannot be trusted," I shot him a filthy look. "Don't worry," I continued, as Sookie's face plainly showed her concern, "I will be in disguise."_

"Oh yes, your great disguise," Sookie's voice broke into my train of thought once again.

"Well it worked didn't it, it was enough to get me into Russell's compound and to be there to look after you."

She winced, the memories of that night were still painful. There was one question though which I had always wanted to ask, and now was my opportunity: "Would you have let me...carry on, if Bubba hadn't interrupted us?"

"I don't know. I like to think I would have had the moral fibre to push you away. It would have been a bad thing to do, knowing how Bill was suffering all the while. I guess we'll never know." She sounded regretful, and I pulled her close, nuzzling her neck at the spot she liked to offer her reassurance.

_I thought my opportunity had finally come when she asked me to take her home. I felt no guilt, leaving Bill to sort out the mess he had made._

_She was silent on the way home. _

"_You are sad, would you like to talk about it?"_

_She stared at me, her mouth hanging open for a few seconds before she realised and closed it firmly. "Eric, you're a Vampire, and a guy, since when did you ever want to talk about feelings?"_

"_Pam has told me that human females need to talk about how they feel. Besides I am worried about you. You seem more affected by your emotions than normal."_

"_Yeah, well that would be because its not normal for me to get staked, or to have to rescue my boyfriend….ex-boyfriend, from torturers, or to stake a Vampire."_

_I couldn't help but smile when she referred to Bill as her ex-boyfriend, which earned me a scowl. _

"_Honestly Eric I know this is all in a night's work for you, but it's only a few months since I even met my first Vampire."_

"_I will ensure that you are well-paid for your trouble."_

"_I didn't do this for money. I did it because…" her voice tailed off, and I finished the sentence for her._

"_because of your loyalty to Bill, even after he betrayed you." I reached down to take her hand in mine. "It is admirable, and a rare quality."_

_The intimacy of the moment was broken by the flashing light on the dashboard. The car I had 'borrowed' was running out of gas. I was still thinking of her as I unhooked the nozzle from the pump. My desire for her had once been purely physical, but now I wondered if there wasn't something more. Of course if I hadn't been thinking about her, those pathetic rednecks with their 'vampire net' would never have stood a chance against me. _

_We completed the remainder of the journey to her home in silence. I was not pleased at my show of weakness. I could tell that something had upset her, although I had no idea what it could be._

_When we finally arrive I knew she would try to run away from me, so I was out of the car and opening her door almost before her hand reached the handle. I put my hand on her waist with the gentlest of touches. I didn't want her to feel trapped but I needed to talk to her._

"_Sookie, we should talk, will you invite me in please."_

"_I can't do that Eric."_

"_I'm not going to force myself on you, I would never do that, you can trust me."_

"_That's not the problem, the reason I can't ask you in is that there are people in my house, people I don't recognise."_

_I pulled away, turning towards the house in attack mode, but her gentle touch held me back._

"_Please, let me speak to them, I don't want any more bloodshed."_

"_Fine, let's find out who they are." We approached the house slowly together. I could almost feel her concentration as she focussed on their thoughts._

"_They're not human. Were or shifter I think," she whispered to me._

"_How many?"_

"_I can count eight. Eric, you can't take them all on by yourself, you'll be…"_

_Her voice tailed off, but the concern was unmistakeable. I bent down to kiss her on the cheek. "Trust me, Sookie, I know what I'm doing. I want you to open the door, make plenty of noise about it, then step back as quickly as you can." There was an element of risk in what I was asking her to do, but I needed to get at least one of them out of the house. I knew that none of the Were could match me for speed._

_She did as I asked, and sure enough a tall brawny guy dressed in motorcycle leathers lunged out and grabbed her arm. I was too quick for him, twisting his arm behind his back in a vice-like grip. He didn't utter a sound, which I admired as I was sure he was in agony._

"_Who sent you?"_

_He was silent, so I continued. "I will give you a choice, tell me who sent you and you will leave alive, or fight me and there will be nothing left of you to find."_

_He gave me an arrogant stare as if to challenge me. I broke his arm for that. "It will be your neck if you don't answer me."_

"_Okay, okay. Jerry Falcon is dead, and we think the girl did it, her scent was found around his body. You know that our kind demand a blood debt for such a crime."_

"_Are you creatures really as stupid as you look. How on earth could a human as weak as her possibly kill a Were. Her scent was on him because he attacked her in the club, that is the only reason." Sookie had given me a fierce glare when I described her as weak but I ignored her and carried on. "If you must know, it was I who killed him, as I will kill anyone who dares to lay a hand on my lover." That earned me another glare. "You can tell your boss to send me the invoice for his blood price. I can assure you it will be a small price to pay for avenging my woman."_

_I moved to hold her as the Were left her house. I wanted to offer her comfort, but she pushed me away._

"_Eric, where do you get off on this 'my lover, my woman', nonsense?"_

"_We both know it will be true, sooner or later. I can feel it, and so can you."_

_I knew my words had struck home when she had to look at the floor, unable to meet my eyes. Confident in my eventual victory, I would not need to push her further than she was ready._

"_I will watch over you tonight. I will sit on your porch until dawn." I added the second part quickly before she could protest. "I am not going to leave you alone until I know you are safe."_

"_Okay, but don't think you're going to sneak in again. I res..."_

_I had a hand over her mouth before she could finish the word. "Please Sookie, we both know that would be very foolish. You can trust me. I have already said I will never force myself on you and I am always true to my word. When I come to you it will be because you want me."_

_I stayed there for as long as I dared. I needed to dump the car somewhere in the Black Bayou where it would never be found, and then to fly back to Shreveport before dawn. Just before I left I rose up to her bedroom window. The curtains fluttered open and I could see her sleeping, her golden hair spread out on the pillow. There was a smile on her face. I hoped she was dreaming of me._

_**A/N This is a short chapter because I've already done a Club Dead 'what if' in my story 'Jackson, Mississippi' and I didn't want to go over all the same ground.**_

_**Not surprisingly, lots of wonderful writers have provided us with their interpretations of the next book 'Dead to the World' so I haven't quite decided what to do to give it a different angle. I may need some time to get inspired but reviews always help!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Just a reminder that this story is set in the same time-frame as 'Secrets and Lies'. When either Sookie or Eric start to reminisce they replay the situation as it would have happened in the past, however because in my corner of the Sookieverse they can both hear each other's thoughts, the other one can listen in. In this chapter, Eric is considering what could have happened after he got his memory back.**_

Sookie POV

We were sitting in the tub in the main bathroom. Like all Vampire, Eric loved to bathe and this room probably outdid any other in the house for luxury. Even Bill had a fancy bathroom, in contrast to the shabby appearance of the rest of his house.

I loved our tub because it was big enough to fit us both comfortably with plenty of room to spare. Tonight I had created a particularly romantic atmosphere with lots of bubbles, and scented candles. I'm not really sure what had got me into a sentimental mood, although it was true that there were lots of worrying things going on in the big bad world of Vampire politics. I definitely needed the total escape that a night of loving with my gorgeous husband gave me better than anything else you could name.

Eric liked to listen to Old Norse music in the bath. It was a far cry from his normal musical taste, but he said that it relaxed him. He had hooked up with a group of musicians in Sweden who were dedicated to recreating the music of the Viking era. Naturally they were delighted to work with someone who had actually heard firsthand what they could only imagine. I'd met them once. They were terribly earnest, all beards and corduroy trousers, but very sweet.

Of course spending any time in a bathing situation with Eric couldn't help but bring back one particular memory. Eric could remember it now, almost as clearly as I did, although it still irritated him that it had taken so long for his memory to come back.

I had often wondered if things would have been different if I had been honest with him as soon as he regained his memory that New Year. Did he ever wonder the same thing? He was in a thoughtful mood right now. I caught flashes of the images in his mind, us in the shower, in my old bedroom, on the kitchen table – a particularly athletic position as I remember.

**Eric's POV **

I knew what Sookie was thinking about. I didn't even have to try to read her mind, her body language gave it away, the way she softened into my arms and let her head fall back against my shoulder; the little moan she gave, so deep in her throat that normal human hearing would not have registered it.

"Things would have been very different if you had told me the truth as soon as I got my memory back."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," she retorted, pulling herself up and half turning to face me. "What would you have done differently anyway?"

"Hmm, I wonder," I said, drifting back in my mind to that New Year, which now seemed so long ago.

_I was puzzled by the expression on Sookie's face. She didn't seem surprised to see me in her house. The last time I had been here she had rescinded my invitation. I remembered that moment very clearly. I had thought she was finally going to accept me as her lover, and that I was going to humiliate Bill Compton into the bargain. Instead I was the one who was humiliated._

_Now she was the one looking disappointed. Her expression quickly changed but I knew I had not imagined it. I briefly had the feeling that she was going to call me by one of those strange terms of endearment that human females love so much: 'honey', 'sweetie', 'baby'. All completely inappropriate of course, but no matter how much I disapproved I couldn't stop them. Now her manner became cold and distant as she explained what I was doing there and the events of the last few days._

_I'd spent several nights alone with her in her house. Naturally there was only one thing I really wanted to know._

"_Did we make love?"_

_She said no, but I knew she was lying. I could smell it, on the couch, on the rug. If I went into the bedroom it would be there as well. I shook my head. _

_I sat down in the living room while she heated me up a True Blood. She bent her head down towards mine as she handed it to me, so close that I could feel her breath against my skin. For the briefest moment I thought she was going to kiss me but she pulled away._

"_You have to go. Pam will be here soon to collect you."_

"_Thank you Sookie."_

"_What for?"_

"_I don't know, I wish I did. Listen, I need to find out how things stand at Fangtasia, but may I call on you tomorrow?"_

_She was silent for a few moments. I could sense her hesitation, sense it very strongly. She must have had more of my blood. The effect of the blood she had taken in Dallas would be wearing off by now._

"_I guess..." her voice trailed off. She was reluctant, which made me wonder even more strongly what had passed between us. I could not believe that I had forced myself on her. In my entire existence, human or vampire it had been a point of pride with me never to force an unwilling woman. Knowing Sookie as I did, I was sure she would not have allowed me to remain in her house if my behaviour had offended her. _

_The awkward silence was broken by Pam's arrival. She seemed thrilled to see me back to normal, which was a relief. Others might have used the opportunity to advance themselves at my expense, but Pam's loyalty was not in question it seemed. I was so engrossed in what she had to tell me that neither of us even noticed Sookie slipping out._

_Pam heard the engine of her old car rattling off down the driveway. A broad grin crossed her face._

"_So, Master, did you finally succeed in seducing the lovely Sookie? You certainly seemed very affectionate with her last night."_

"_Is that what you thought?" I was trying to be non-committal. I didn't think it wise to alert Pam to the full extent of my memory loss._

"_If you want the truth, you looked for all the world like lovers. Everything about the way you held her, spoke to her, looked at her; you proclaimed it for all to see."_

"_I had to amuse myself somehow Pam, after all..." I shrugged as I looked around Sookie's living room. Pam snickered. It certainly had none of the luxuries to which we were now accustomed: plasma TV, state of the art hi-fi. My woman didn't even have a computer. Maybe I felt just a hint of guilt for my dismissive attitude but I shrugged it off. I was glad to have finally got her into bed, even if I couldn't remember anything about it. Now I had to turn my attention to matters of importance._

_The next night at Fangtasia it was as if I had never been away. The humans were particularly attentive. After an hour I had to retreat to my office, bored with the effort of almost literally fighting them off. There had been an influx of new Vampire into the area from neighbouring states. They all needed to be checked out, and to swear fealty to me. I hadn't forgotten my plan to visit Sookie, but it was well past eleven when I finally managed to get away._

_I could see that Sookie was asleep. She was laid out on the couch, her golden hair spread over the cushion. I was surprised that she seemed to have made an effort to dress up for me. She was wearing a white top, cut just low enough to give a hint of cleavage and tight enough to display the perfect curve of her breasts. Her skirt was hitched up above her knees. Her legs were lovely too; in fact everything about her was just about perfect for my taste._

_I felt the most surprising sensation of guilt for being so late. I tried the door, wondering if she might perhaps have rescinded my invitation again, but I was able to step inside._

_The fire was almost out. I spread the remaining embers around with a poker, and then carefully arranged some fresh logs. Building a long lasting fire had been a great skill in my human life, and there are some things you never forget. Before long it was roaring back into life. _

_I sat on the couch, lifting her legs gently to drape them over my lap. She opened her eyes slowly giving me a smile so sweet it sent shivers through me. _

"_Eric, sweetie," she murmured, still half asleep. She jolted fully awake realising my presence was real._

"_I'm sorry I was late, lover," I said, with a provocative emphasis on the final word. She opened her mouth to protest, and then closed it again. We both knew the truth even if I couldn't remember and she wasn't willing to admit it._

_I stroked my hand gently up her leg. She was wearing stockings, the sort that hold themselves up, leaving just the top of the thigh bare. It was her turn to shiver as my fingers reached that naked skin. _

_I grazed the elastic of her lacy panties, just enough to tease her. It had the desired effect as her head fell back and she closed her eyes. I ventured a little further, exploring the moist warmth. She was perfect, I thought, as I slipped a finger inside her and began to move it. She rewarded me with a sigh and a moan of pleasure._

_I leant down towards her, and with my free hand lifted her head up to meet mine. She shifted position, moving to straddle my lap. I couldn't resist licking my own fingers. I needed to taste that sweetness. She wrinkled her nose in mock disgust, but it didn't stop her from giving into my kiss. I tangled both hands in her golden hair, pulling her tightly against me. She responded instinctively. Even though I had no memory of it, I knew we had done this many times before. It was so natural, so right._

_I had to see her. I lifted the hem of her top, tentatively at first, then faster when she offered no resistance. Her lacy bra followed swiftly, and finally I had full access to those glorious breasts. I remembered them well, how could I ever forget that terrible night when Bill brought her to Fangtasia after the Maenad attack. Looking back, I think that was the night that I realised I had feelings for her. I had known then that I didn't want her to die, that I would do anything to keep her alive. It was a very long time since I had felt that way about anyone, human or vampire._

_She was pulling at my t-shirt and I willingly let her lift it over my head. Our bodies touched, flesh to naked flesh and I felt a surge of electricity jolt from her body to mine. I pulled her back into the kiss, deeper and more passionate than before. My hand slipped back between her legs, under the flimsy lace panties and she lifted herself to allow me access. _

_Her arousal was very evident. I could tell from the way she responded to me that whatever had passed between us over the previous few nights had been very special. The bond I felt with her was much more than the sharing of blood. Why was she so reluctant to acknowledge it?_

_The time for thinking was passed, the need for physical connection too urgent. I pulled out of the kiss and, lifting her gently, laid her down on the rug in front of the fire. I loved the way her skin glowed in the firelight. I sat back on my heels for a moment, taking time to fully appreciate the beauty stretched out in front of me. As far as I was concerned this was the first time, and I would ensure that I fully appreciated it. This was something I did not intend to forget._

_It was all too clear that this was not the first time for her. Her expression was one of anticipation; it held no fear or apprehension. I lowered myself down, tasting every part of her, savouring that exquisite scent. I never lost my head with women, a part of me always stayed alert, but this woman was different. She was someone I could lose myself in completely._

"_Eric, please," she moaned, tangling her hands in my hair. "I want you." Her voice was little more than a whisper but the urgency could not be denied. I settled myself above her, inside her, welcomed in by her whimpers of pleasure, growing louder and more passionate._

"_Look at me, lover." _

_She smiled, her eyes widening in a gesture of recognition. I have had thousands of women, but it was many years, centuries even, since one had affected me like she did. I could sense that she was reaching that golden peak of pleasure. I grazed her neck with my fangs._

"_Yes, do it," she urged, breathlessly._

_I complied and the taste of her blood in my throat took me over the edge at the same time as I felt her shudder beneath me._

_As we lay there in silent contentment, I became aware of a sound and sat up to try to locate the source. Sookie heard it then too, and swearing under her breath jumped up to run into the kitchen. I watched with amusement as she knelt down to scrabble through her kitchen cupboards. A gentleman would have got up and offered to help, but I was transfixed by the sight of that perfect ass of hers, still as naked as a baby._

_Eventually she found what she was looking for, a bucket to catch the rainwater. A heavy shower had come over and the kitchen roof was leaking. _

_I sat up on my elbows, knowing that the mood was ruined now. She pulled on my t-shirt and sat down on the couch, pulling it over her knees._

"_I'll..." I began, but she cut me off._

"_No you won't, Eric. I can arrange for my own repairs thank you." There was a hint of bitterness in her voice, which I didn't understand._

_She had the money I had paid her for looking after me, but I wanted her to spend that on herself, maybe a new car. That was something she really needed._

"_At least let me organise the work for you. I own a construction company so I can make sure you are not cheated. I will invoice you at the normal rate, if you insist on it."_

_She agreed, although she didn't look happy. I suspected that she didn't trust me not to give her a discount and not admit to it. That was exactly what I did intend to do of course. _

_She looked so vulnerable, sitting there swamped by my oversize shirt. I had the strongest desire to hold her, protect her, never to leave her. It wasn't possible I told myself. I had my position and all the responsibility that went with it. Many people, human and vampire depended on me. It had taken years of hard work and not a little scheming to get where I was today. However much I wanted her, I could not just throw it away. I hoped she would understand that._

"_I have to get back to Fangtasia, there is much outstanding business for me."_

_She was silent, her eyes avoiding mine. Even without being able to sense her feelings, I would have known that something was wrong. As it was her emotions washed over me: anger, fear, and something which might have been regret._

"_Sookie, you must understand, I was away for several days with no warning. Pam did her best but she cannot cover everything for me."_

"_Oh I understand, I understand perfectly. You'll be a good Sheriff and attend to your businesses and I'll wait patiently here for when you can spare the time to come and fuck me." She glared at me defiantly._

_I didn't have time to argue with her. If she was not able to understand my position, that was her problem. I pulled my clothes on without a word. She stripped off my T-shirt and threw it over to me. I paused briefly, considering whether I should turn back, maybe kiss her goodbye. I was getting soft; she was only a human after all. I shut the door behind me, harder than I had intended, making the house shake a little._

I have to confess that hadn't expected my reminiscence to end like that, and from the look on her face neither had Sookie. Somehow it took on a life of its own in the telling.

"I thought perhaps some realism was in order. After all you can be very stubborn," I said, feeling the need to explain myself.

Her gaze was as harsh as my memory, any hint of softness erased.

"According to 'Dear Abby' it is important in a relationship for couples to be open about their strengths and weaknesses."

"Eric, don't you 'Dear Abby' me. Besides if I am stubborn, you can't deny that you're arrogant."

I adopted an expression of mock surprise. "I'm rich, powerful, handsome; women flock to me and men envy me, where's the arrogance in that?"

Sookie hauled herself out of the bath, surprising me with her turn of speed. I reached out to grab her hand, intending to win her over with a kiss.

"I'm sorry, I went too far. I didn't mean to upset you." I put on my most winning smile but she was determined to prove me right about her stubbornness. She wrapped a towel around herself and sat down in the antique velvet armchair on the other side of the room.

"You know what I would have done, if you had treated me that way?"

"No," I replied, but I did of course. The image had popped into her head straight away: a dark haired man, paler than me, his face dominated by sadness.

She closed her eyes and played out the scene for me in her thoughts.

**Sookie POV**

_I sat there for several minutes after I had heard his car disappear into the distance, clutching my knees for warmth. I should have taken him up on the offer he had made me before he got his memory back. He had said he would stay with me forever, get a job, love me._

_I could still have him here now, holding me, talking about my day, caring for me. Was it really that much to ask? I thought back to the first few months of my relationship with Bill. That had been a honeymoon period for sure. _

_The passing of time, and the recent upsets to my emotional state, made me think of him more fondly. I pulled on a thick jumper and took that familiar path through the cemetery, till I reached his door. _

"_Is Selah here?" I hoped not, I really needed some company right now. Luckily for me she had gone to Monroe for a viewing._

"_Eric has his memory back then?"_

"_Yes."_

"_And have you taken him as your lover."_

"_We've had sex," I responded bitterly, "but honestly I don't know if Eric is capable of love. I think it comes a long way down his list of priorities. Right after power, money, politics, intrigue, blood, sex and I don't know what else."_

"_The vampire I saw you with last night cared for you, that was very obvious."_

"_Unfortunately that vampire wasn't the real Eric."_

"_You know that I love you Sookie. I will never stop loving you, whatever happens." He took my hand and kissed it. I looked up at him, remembering what it was like to kiss those sensuous lips. I can't honestly say that I didn't consider the possibility of going back to him seriously, for several minutes at least. Ridiculous of course, it would open up far too many complications._

"_I think maybe I should swear off vampires for a while. You all seem to cause me too much trouble."_

"_You are spoiled for human men."_

_Funny, that's what Eric had said to me only a few weeks ago._

"_There are plenty of other fish in the sea, or wolves in the forest maybe." Perhaps that was the answer, I should try a warm blooded lover, one who could spend the day with me. All I really wanted was someone who would put me first. Bill was still holding my hand as I gently pulled away. "Thank you for being a friend, I appreciate it."_

_He looked a little guilty at that. Maybe thinking of Selah, she wouldn't be too happy if she knew I had been around._

_I set off back to my house, wrapping my sweater tightly against the cold night air. _

_Did I regret what had happened with Eric? Yes and no. I had experienced pleasure with him that shouldn't have been possible. I genuinely liked him, he was funny, and clever. He was just Eric really, impossible to pin down in words. Did I love him? That question was too confusing to answer. _

_It didn't matter anyway. I wasn't going to be second best for anyone. I had been second best for too long. I'd been alone before, I could be alone again, but I was going to put myself first._


End file.
